We are all Flawless

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjLlLPZderk

Hello All!

Just checking to see if you have missed me?  It's been over 4 months since my last post.

I'm posting my current heart song that has been speaking to me lately.  It's Flawless by Mercy Me.  I encourage you to give it a listen to!!!  It will speak to you too!!!

I posted a very vulnerable video of myself 2 weeks ago of me dancing to this song in my kitchen.
Why you ask?  Accountability!!!!  Music has such a way of making me feel better.... but to my surprise my girl was video taping me instead of taking pictures like she said.  I'm done with waiting to feel better to shake my hips - parts are going to move regardless - it might as well happen when I'm doing something I absolutely love doing!!!!  I am a REFIT® instructor & my revolution in Western NY is going to happen someday.  When I was singing I was singing - the cross has made "ME" flawless!!!!  ME!!!!  I am Flawless  - no matter the bumps or bruises & there are plenty - no matter the PAIN!!!!  Nothing a smile can't help.  Life is too short & the Cross was ENOUGH!!!!!!  I will get back to who I was before all this happened!!!    The best empowerment I could have is all the band members of this Awesome song signed their names & said my motto -
STAY STRONG.

Baby steps..... I have another Iron Girl to train for....  I actually copied some of this post from my Facebook page ~

Life has been pretty hectic and I'm thankful September is the start of routine again.
So much has been going on; with school, new schedules, new opportunities ~ I'm trying to enjoy every blessed moment of every day.

I encourage you to start a journal and start reflecting on all that every day has to offer you.  It will be especially helpful as you start to forget the little things that will drive you crazy thinking about and keeping you awake at night!  LOL!!!  Hope all is well with everyone.  Still trying to figure this whole blogging experience out yet.  Keep smiling, stay strong, keep the faith & as always.... thanks for being A Rainbow in my Cloud.

Blessings, Pamela

Trying something different today.... 

Sometimes you wake up and just know it's one of those days.  So today I decided to do something different.  I decided to quickly sit down and write my thoughts as they came out.  As I was blow drying my hair; looking in the mirror I just started talking to myself and the following is what I told myself.  My therapy for today.  

I've also decided once I figure this whole blogging thing out; I'm going to start sharing my blessings and pictures.  If others can do it, I'm going to do it too!  Why should I be the only one witnessing the most precious gifts of Blessings...   I am granted signs everyday that He is with me.  The worst thing that can happen is you all think I'm nuts but that's okay.  I think a few of you already believe it (lol) but I'm an Iron Girl with a mix of a little Wonder Woman in there too!     

I am more

My name is Pamela 

I am more than just a Mom.

I am more than just a Wife.

I am more than just a Daughter.

I am more than just an activity director of life.

I am worth more than all the money in the world!

I once looked in the mirror and saw so much more.

I was more.... 

but now I look in the mirror 

and forget who I really am!

Who I once was.... 

As I aimlessly try to navigate life; 

 I was given a precious gift from God.  

I was given Faith.

Be still and know that He is God.

Blessed by God's Grace I found peace and strength.

I found solitude in the clouds.

A glimmer of hope, 

A resurrection of happiness,

A rainbow of inspiration; 

a light so bright and warm that fills me with unconditional love

and a thankful and grateful heart.

I found my eternal identity... I am a child of God.

Pamela Freeman

April 30, 2015

Thanks for reading my blog and especially for all of you being ~ 

A Rainbow in my Cloud!

Blessings, Pamela 

A thank you & a ramble.... ;)

Howdy to everyone reading my blog....

How do you judge a good day?  For me it's how long I can sit and type at the computer!  :)

3 weeks today...  It has been a blink and thankfully I'm so Blessed for all that have sent me cards, well wishes, meals, beautiful flowers and Blessed me with your company while I've been recovering.   It's going to be a long road but I'm ready for another inspiring challenge in my life.

You know it's a good start to your day when you are questioning whether it's the Holy Spirit talking to you, or a coincidence.    I don't believe in coincidences anymore so I wholeheartedly believe that it's the Holy Spirit!

While starting my day.... I began my normal conversation with God ~ my prayer time... my thoughts, my time of reflection.... contemplating what I can do today ~ what I'll get done.  Right now I have low expectations for myself since I'm not allowed to do much of anything but sit reclined or lay flat; that got old quick!  LOL!  So I've watched a lot of Walton's episodes and have Little House on the Prairie waiting patiently for me.

Today though... this beautiful song spoke to me.  Laura Story ~ Blessings

"The trials of this life are my mercies in disguise."  That is the verse that caught my ear specifically.   The second light bulb moment was " What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you are near."  Since this ordeal started ~ it's been 1038!  Such a small number when you think I've been on this earth for over 16000!  I can tell you I have God's hand on my shoulder directing every step so I know He's very near.  I'm already looking at the big picture.  I'm on the top of the rainbow looking down and understanding the only way to get through all your trials and tribulations of life; are having family and friends that support you along the way.

So I encourage you to be a friend... be a smile... give a hug, support one another and love freely ~
Thank you for being A Rainbow in my Cloud.  Until next time...
Blessings, Pamela  

Francesca Battistelli - Holy Spirit (Official Audio)

Hello all!  Just a little update.... the big day; the continuation is coming just not tonight!  LOL!!!



This past week I've been very distracted ~ right now the next course of treatment is physical therapy.

I'd take an hour of REFIT® (Faith & Fitness Zumba) any day over what I'm going through right now, but this is the way I'm being directed right now and I'm going to make the best of it!



Pain has such a way of taking over thoughts, feelings and brings out the nasty in all of us.  Even when you have the best of intentions to stay positive ~ it's as if pain has a body all of it's own and jumps in as if you were a surrogate and wanted to display it!  I don't!



So I decided that it is more therapeutic to write when all the conditions are right, and I have a great cup of coffee in hand too!  I'm hoping round two of PT will give me just a little more relief and less pain than this past week.  



Your thoughts and words dictate how you perceive your day to day life.  Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."  What you say and think in your head either become a blessing to you and your health or become a curse.   I choose BLESSING!    Think positive, fight the pain, despite feeling horrible ~ try to find the smallest glimmer of hope, a sliver of happiness and love unconditionally.



"I've heard it said that God's divine healing is spiritual; by inviting the Holy Spirit we are inviting the Lord in our Hearts to give us peace and to heal our souls.  By listening to God's word we can be healed... Faith is the substance of things hoped for (Hebrews 11:1).    



I have Faith...



I also have an Amazing prayer compliments of "From Power Prayers to Bless Your Heart, published by Barbour Publishing, Inc. Used by permission."



For Healing ~ "God, You created me for a long and satisfying life.  You knit me together in my mother's womb, and You know every intricate part of my being.  You know what I need before I ask, and I'm asking You to return me to good health.  You know how my body and mind work, so You know how to heal me.  I refuse to let my health be stolen from me.  I am determined to fight for it.  Direct me to the right doctors, if that's the way I should go.  Give me peace to make the right decisions on my journey to recovery."  Amen



Thanks for reading my blog and especially for all of you being A Rainbow in my Cloud!



Blessings, Pamela

Plumb - Lord I'm Ready Now (Official Lyric Video)

So much happened in such a short period of time... looking back it was the most stressful time I can say we had as a family (Tim, my children & I).  I joke & say my husband of little Faith.... I was continuously searching for answers for my boy.  To the point that my dear husband would sometimes get upset with me because if I found out something from one doctor ~ I'd say no; I'm not happy with what he's telling me.  There is something more!


"When He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come."  John 16:13.  After 13 years of searching... after fighting with schools; teachers not following the IEPS, doctor after doctors; and finally putting Peter in a school that could accommodate all of his recommendations we had peace on the home front!


That's why going to Urgent care in March 2012 and them thinking it was kidney stones was such a joke!  I thought this has got to be some sign of STRESS!  Looking back it was actually my pelvic wall collapsing causing a rectal hernia, prolapse uterus and crushing my bladder.  JOY!!!!!


We all have those songs that just have the ability to motivate us if we so desire; those songs that when we are at our lowest points in our life just bring us back up!  Or we keep playing over and over 100 plus times.  Britt Nicole Walk on the Water and While I'm Waiting by John Waller had that profound effect on me.  Both of these songs have so many meanings for me... waiting for my body to heal, waiting for my soul to heal, waiting for my spirit to be fulfilled again, waiting for answers... so many meanings.  I HAVE FAITH!  Faith is all it takes to walk on the water too!


It's funny how this new song by Plumb that has come out 2 1/2 years later fits completely to everything we went through!  That I went through!


You see; depending on who you talk to... I was a little stubborn.  I'd been signed up for this Triathlon since November 1st, 2011.  Six months of incredible training, building my mind set that I could accomplish this task!  Then my body defeats me!  I'm done before I even got a chance to put my foot on that starting line.  Realistically I asked ~ "what are the chances I'd be able to compete after my surgery?"  I had 9 weeks and 2 days from my surgery date ~ 65 days to the race of my lifetime!


In the grand scheme of things, looking out through rose colored glasses ~ no problem!  I'd be good to go.  That's all I had to hear!  I again offered it right up to the Lord and said it is your will.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."  Proverbs 3:5, 6   


Even when you have the worst of news, you have to keep telling yourself and pretending that it could be worse.  Get up, get going and keep going.  My saving Grace was that I had wonderful family and friends that were so supportive with words of encouragement, company for my "comeback walks" and thankfully living with the delusion that everything was just GREAT!  ;)

My long distant Iron Girls were instrumental in my mental well being ~ keeping me on track, when they would post about group runs, swims or bikes, I'd try to get out there myself and just do it!  You ladies were my drive and ambition to just keep trying.  Thank you!  I wish I had some crazy girls around here to swim, bike & run with... LOL!   My Julie was my Awesome workout partner; we were crazy for pumping iron and zumba but she didn't want to swim and bike though!  LOL!  Maybe in a few more years  :)

As much as everyone seems to get aggravated that I always say; Everyday is a New Day!  It is!  You have to make the most of it!  I was alive & like I said ~ if I had to walk the race I would!  I followed all of the doctors' orders.  After 2 weeks I was allowed to walk... just walk and that's what I did.  After 6 weeks I could start to ride my bike again.  I didn't swim until 8 weeks; only 3 times in the pool.  I wasn't going to take my chances of any kind of infection from lake water until the day of the race.

I'd stay in the back of the pack in my wave so I wouldn't take a chance of getting kicked.  I'd take my time.  Take that first step into the unknown He won't let you go!  So what are you waiting for?  What do you have to lose?  Your Faith is all it takes and you could walk on the water too!


I highly recommend that you check these two songs out.


I kept singing these songs.  I am Waiting, waiting on you Lord & I am hopeful!  I am waiting on you Lord, though it is painful but patiently, I will wait.  I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience.  While I'm waiting I will serve you, while I'm waiting I will not faint I'll be running the race even while I wait.  I'm waiting.. I'm waiting on you, Lord.  And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on you, Lord though it's not easy but faithfully, I will wait.  Yes I will wait.

I will serve You while I'm waiting.. I will worship while I'm waiting... I will serve You while I'm waiting.. I will worship while I'm waiting... I will serve You while I'm waiting.. I will worship while I'm waiting on you, Lord!  For 2:48 minutes I kept repeating this song; along with saying prayers for all that supported me on this amazing journey in faith!   It was happening!


Now listen to Plumb!  Talk about an incredible song that just emulates my entire ordeal!  My soul!

I'll continue on with my big day in my next post; I'm afraid this one has gotten away with me a bit.  Sorry that it's a little lengthy ~ I am having so much peace writing.


Thanks for reading my blog and especially for all of you being A Rainbow in my Cloud!


Blessings, Pamela

                                                                

Happy New Year 2015!!!

     It's going to be an Amazing year; filled with "unbelievable blessings"..."uniqueness in 

perspective of what things appear to be and what things are presumed to be"... 

"coolness"... and an unbelievable testament to family, love and faith....  Bring it on!  

     Hopefully refreshening news of better health predictions in the directions I need to go but I enter this New Year with an open heart and a smile on my face!   I'm extremely blessed to be on this Journey in Faith with all my family and friends that are remarkably supportive to me.  Thank you.   

     3 years ago on this very Eve I was counting the hours & days.... 

217 until my first ever Triathlon in August of 2012!  An Iron Girl Triathlon.

600 meter swim, 30k bike & 5K run.

An incredible experience that I wasn't letting anything stop me from getting!  ANYTHING!  

I was on the right path.  For the first time in my life, I wanted nothing more to be healthy!  

     I'd say I almost became an obsessed, crazy woman!  But really, it was the adrenaline 

that takes over for the fear of the unknown.  Unbelievable Faith in knowing I could and would do it too!

     The month of January I was in Zumba class 3 to 4 times a week... swimming 2 times a week 

and had never run more than a mile since high school.  So now I was trying to 

get a mile in without having to stop and take a breath or cough out a lung or die of a heart attack.    

In between all of that I was also working out at the gym 3 to 5 times a week with weight training 

and cardio.  Yes a little over the top!  I'd do anything to be able to get that back.... 

     I couldn't get enough of Zumba!  Friends actually kidded me and said it was a cult.  My true love was REFIT®.  I had discovered them on youtube.  I'm a REFIT® instructor still waiting patiently to get this Revolution started in Western New York!

I continued on with that pace into the beginning of March.  I had signed up to run my first 10K Shamrock Run in Buffalo on March 3rd.  Honestly, I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason.  Well it was a sign... 60 mile an hour gusts of wind, snow and honestly I had my first physical sign that maybe I should start slowing it down a bit and just swim and Zumba a while.  I went to Urgent Care on the 4th; get ready for this possible kidney stones because of the location on my lower back that it was located.

I really did take it easy.  After a while I started running again, along with Zumba & swimming.  April and May.  I kept a diary of everything I did right down to what I ate, how much I weighted daily and my calorie consumption and by this time I actually had started riding my bike.  I was getting anywhere between 5 to 10 miles every other day.  That my be a later blog ~ the insane schedule I followed but it worked!

I've had a few absolutely memorable Mother's days in my life since becoming a Mom that I will NEVER forget!  My first; my Peter being born the Friday before, the third Mother's day when Peter actually called me Mom for the first time when he was 3. (He had less than 1% expressive language until he was almost 3 when we had his tongue clipped and adenoids removed; now my boy hasn't stopped talking since!) The third time ~ May 12th, 2012 ~ Saturday.

This is where life has dramatically changed me to be always looking for "A Rainbow in my Cloud".  Shhhh..... it's kind of hard to talk about ~ NOT!  Sorry, not in this day and age.  It's called Pelvic Prolapse and it afflicts over 3 million women in the United States.

Honestly the biggest question I got was ~ "Well you were exercising too much, or lifting?  That's what did it."
I had so much guilt that I thought I had done this to myself but guess what: It can happen to anyone (men too!).  After the initial shock wore off which didn't really happen until my first surgery June 1st, was in the books.

I was determined whether I walked the entire triathlon or not to at least start it and maybe finish it.
I left it in God's hands.  My complete trust ... everything.... I kept repeating in my head "She is Strong & Courageous" Deuteronomy 31:6.

Most of you know me... I did it and I am an Iron Girl Triathlete but I've decided this blog is too long & I'm done for another time.   

My platform in life as significantly changed.  I am outspoken about my issues; it's not something to be ashamed about.  It is what it is and we as a family are dealing with it as best as we can.
For now I just wanted to write a little bit tonight; I'm still learning how to blog.  Not very good either but oh well.  It's surprisingly therapeutic and costs less than therapy.

Everyday is a new day.  When you wake up, get up and keep repeating that to yourself,  "Everyday is a New day"!  You might be in pain, but it could be a new kind of pain today, or 1% less than what it was the day before.  I truly believe and I trust wholeheartedly that God is working in my life and wants me to share my trials and tribulations at this point.  This could be the closest I ever get to writing a book!  LOL!

Thanks for reading my blog and especially for all of you being ~ A Rainbow in my Cloud!

Blessings, Pamela

Without a Shadow of Doubt... this song will Change you, your heart... your Life! Matthew West - Do Something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_RjndG0IX8

     Doubt has a way of constantly whispering in your head that you can't do something that you want to do.  A shadow of doubt gives you insecurities in life and has paralyzing power on your life that keeps you from thinking you won't see the light again.  Self doubt blocks the promise of God's power and truth to change us from the inside out so that we can live with a confident heart and spirit!  I'm so tired of hearing those whispers of doubt.  I reject the rejection!  I'm freeing my inner self and allowing myself the opportunity to express myself, openly, wholeheartedly & with confidence! 

    Life without no desire, no passion, mundane.... at rock bottom!  These last few years the dark has taken over my mind.  I've discovered though that I'm in control(again!).  I can change the course of direction of how my life is.  I may be limited due to health issues but I'm still here, in the living, for a purpose and I plan to Overcome!  After all "HE" created me!  My motto ~ Everyday is a new day!  I woke up, my first words in my head the moment I am awoken is thank you Most Sacred Heart of Jesus for allowing me one more day!  I'm speaking from experience, we only see the shadows in our life because we turned away from the light.  Keep looking at it!  It won't hurt you ~ it will fill you with the Holy Spirit and Life again!  That's why everyday I look for a rainbow.  A glimmer of Hope!
Look for the positive ~ no matter how dark things look ~ ALWAYS remember you are still breathing, are still walking and still have a voice.  Everyday is a Gift!

I'm reminded in daily readings though  ~ For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ."  2 Corinthians 4:6

People change by the witness of others.  It's time for us to do something!  "HE" strengthens and enlightens us to free us.  To share our stories, to build from each other, to empower each other, to unconditionally love each other, build trust, self-esteem, respect ~ with no strings attached.  To speak life to each other, to be that one person who stands up and says I want to be that person ~ I will pray for those who need prayer, I will be a friend even if all I can do is listen, or smile at you and tell you we all have trials and tribulations to deal with in life.   

Thanks for reading my very first ever blog.  Sorry I'm not up on my punctuation anymore.  

As I reflect on the New Year coming in a matter of 2 days.  I'm truly reminded how precious each and every one of my memories are.  As I close my eyes and let memories flood my brain to my past:
moving 13 different times in my life, birthday parties, growing up in so many parts of NYS and having a photographic memory for details of all my friends, directions, places I've been before and can usually find again for the second time with no assistance.  The numerous schools I've attended over the years and ALL the people I have met ~ life encounters!  

I'm a firm believer that we are directed in life.  Sometimes we are directed a little more than we'd like to think but the circle of friends that have connections with other friends that I've had during childhood and high school and how life comes full circle and suddenly, years and years later your friends from childhood are related to your Best friends in the whole world!  
How on earth does that happen when I grew up 6 hours from here? Without a shadow of doubt ~ I know!  LOL!  

I just want you all to know that I'm thankful for every person that has left a thumb print on my heart, who has loved me, taught me something in life, and invested your time and friendship in my life.  
My memories have helped me to keep going during my difficult times and gives me strength in knowing I can get through anything because each person I've met along my journey has been a puzzle piece in my life picture.  Being able to look back shows me how when I first asked the Lord to come into my heart on October 15, 1991 he has never left my side.  With God's guidance, His direction and His protection in my life, without a shadow of doubt I know I'm not alone in this world.

Without a shadow of doubt ~ I Believe in you but most importantly Thank you ALL for being a rainbow in my cloud!

Blessings, Pamela